lunes, 27 de enero de 2014

Esencia

Inspecciono el paso del tiempo, pero no sé cómo transcurre aquí dentro, ni dónde soy. 

domingo, 12 de enero de 2014

Stendhal syndrome


It's the flavour of you inhabited by pain and longing. I'm still here, have not found you.  

domingo, 5 de enero de 2014

Oscilaciones


Que todo encaje, parar estas oscilaciones y que se encuadre todo. 

miércoles, 27 de noviembre de 2013

Palabras


Utilizo las palabras como llave, como ofrenda, tal vez como presa; como inicio de una conversación que se extiende y que debe continuar.  

miércoles, 11 de septiembre de 2013

Unconventional completeness


I'd like to be drunk, intoxicated by the peacock of choice, the lightening of its uterus descending, the beauty and possibility.

jueves, 29 de agosto de 2013

Con las manos


Hay días que haces las cosas con las manos porque los ojos te hierven. Quieres tocar, notar, atrapar sin necesidad de hacer ninguna reflexión ni tomar decisiones. 

Me pregunto si alguna vez volveré a sentir la ligereza, la desinhibición, la despreocupación de cuando era niña. 

viernes, 16 de agosto de 2013

All these things happen in one second and last for ever (Virginia Woolf)


Sometimes street clocks are wrong, and their inner wheels slide like euphoric conkers issuing a limited and wistful portrayal of time.

sábado, 10 de agosto de 2013

Radical acts


Unabridged

Redeeming close calls and inaccurate detentions. This is the enduring longing that I'm trying to put into words. I imagine something to say and then realise that it has already been written by someone else somewhere else. 

That doesn't retain an eloping heart. 

All that poetry that remains unabridged, and me just arriving late at its receding shore.  
 

miércoles, 7 de agosto de 2013

Revelaciones 

Decides qué armas redentoras utilizar. El sonido del coro en el teatro griego que se desarrolla en tu mente, las vistas precisas e imaginarias que se forman en tu retina, el reloj de arena que se decanta por tus venas como si fueran un alambique, y revive tus recaídas con un grumo solitario de memoria.

Te desprendes de las estructuras verbales que mantienen tu fenomenología mental, tu paisaje estático arrebolado con señales de humo. A lo lejos corren ríos de vidrio, las lechuzas se recogen, el rocía se afana por cuajar, el viento redobla sus intrépidos revolcones con los dientes de león enajenados.

Tengo hambre de música, de la simplicidad e inocencia del lenguaje binario, de la tertulia literaria, del recogimiento nocturno. Pero un nuevo día se levanta como un telón de hojalata, y añoro la noche por su unidad, su amplitud, sus frases hechas y las que quedan por revivir.

No soy un animal diurno, no pertenezco a esa especie que se renueva cada jornada y forma parte de la estampida urbana. No tengo prisa, no exhibo movimientos circundantes por el tiempo y su aguja afilada y rectilínea. El lenguaje nocturno es más sonoro y entronizado en el ambiente, y se mantiene suspendido en las partículas invisibles del negro compacto, con sus corrientes límpidas de lucidez que se bañan y refrescan como sombras chinas.

Esta noche retomaré el paisaje recogido y abigarrado de estos umbrales nocturnos y repasaré con mi mente la trastienda de acontecimientos sucedidos durante el día, su mordedura en la carne, su inmutable resaca.

Refractaré la luz diurna calada y absorbida por mi cuerpo, y lo haré con un compás de espera propio, tranquilo y sabio. No sé si lograré plasmar en la pantalla las constantes interrupciones sinápticas en mi pensamiento o esos vagos erizos de mar que arrastran el déjà vu como si fuera un racimo o un banco de algas. Por la noche un radiador es un xilófono; un mármol, un espejo; los autobuses, buques fantasmas; las multitudes, desfiles de piedra. La noche es más emotiva, más lúcida, más variada que lo que puede caber en un día.

Salta, transpira, escucha, responde, revive y recuadra las líneas convexas de cielo estrellado y los aullidos de las constelaciones efervescentes. El futuro empieza aquí. El pasado está anclado en el ritmo pausado que avanza hasta explosionar en un amanecer radiado y rebosante de energía, como una recién nacida que mira al mundo con su sabiduría interna e instintiva, tan razonable y bella.

Las dudas bailan en mi boca como los rastros memoria del sueño retráctil. Rescato esos pensamientos húmedos en palabras y frases abrumadas. Mis próximos veinte años de vida se desplegarán en miles de folios encuadernados como una captura de pantalla infinita. El infinito existe, las trombas de palabra sin dueña, sin restricciones calculadas mediante la aritmética.

Nada se resiste al ritmo implacable del día excepto las revelaciones irreversibles de la noche.

sábado, 8 de junio de 2013

Indulgencias


La frase está roma e indefensa, pero se perfila incierta contra su sombra. El tiempo sigue. 

viernes, 26 de abril de 2013

Bebida caliente

La leche destiñe el café y el té, es inevitable: se atrinchera. 

jueves, 25 de abril de 2013

Y es en este silencio ...


... donde puedes aceptarlo todo. 

Las dudas


Aparte. 

domingo, 14 de abril de 2013

Let's talk about the blues


No rush rush, but hush, hush. I'm open like a blooming flower, and my being follows on, as in a dam about to break open with uncontrollable force, human made, approved by rapture and suicide. As in the dunes that appease nature falling over themselves in a tense rhythm of liberation on an elastic string that stops and zooms unexplainably. 

Look, seek, now you see me, then you don't. Today I have a feeling. I've got that feeling. I'm just an ubiquitous being contemplating her destiny, the rapids of life. Look at me, I'm frightened and then I'm not. 

Won't stop, it's easy to stop: the spoken word, those planned journeys exits escapes - it's all the same. I'm my beloved. I'm fleeing the scene. I look at you, you are not. You witness the dunes and you're stuck, stuck in the sand, stuck and don't move. 

Repetitions, rituals. I won't, I won't stop the spoken words, the broken words, the sugar melting in my tongue, the reverie. 

The holy spirit, the cows feeding off the pasture. The rhythm, darling, is unstoppable but I see you stuck in the quicksand. The horizon has moved and I see you not. I desire you but you are behind that shining rainbow of light and pain that's receding like your own intentions. You take the bread away from your mouth, you don't feed yourself, you go back on your tracks. I'm moving along, away, recidivating, looking for the recommended reward, my baggage claim. 

My dictionary says: "They quarrelled but they've made (it) up now". Literally. On route. I'm recognised, I didn't recognise her. Then I looked, now I don't. I seek and I'm traced by (in) the words of this pocket English dictionary. It has the translation I require but not too many words. How many? As much as 253 pages of grammar fit in its pages. It's not a lot. I don't know if they are enough. I ignore that. Are there enough words in our dictionary to travel around, inside, below us? 

My fountain pen, my fountain of ink, I should say, its points and soft trace over the pages, under my flat skin; I don't know, I ignore the causes, the trouble, maybe I'll break its roundness if I press the gold tip that saturates the ink around its point, my lines, my writing, my train of thought (unbearable some times I would say, I should say), it's uncontainable like the morning and forward waves from the dunes, and we are separated and apart, I part I leave I sweat it all off and write it all down. The writer, she, hasn't got what it takes? That's why her books aren't read by anyone, but are encased, they are published in pages and I'm holding the book right now. It speaks volumes although I should say, I will say this is only Volume I although there is a sea of words that advance the kill, the mellow death, I will die sometime, maybe now, maybe not.

I need glasses to read now, to speak now, to write right now, to write right, right? I don't, I don't presume, I don't want these easy fireworks of poetry, of words that go unnoticed like the nourishment of the soil, like its wetness feeding trees and plants. But they stay put, and I break open. I envy their blooming flowers in the cold and windy spring. Anyway, it's spring now and there's nothing I can do; I can't deny that spring is now here, and I am swallowed by the passing of the seasons. Death approaches slow but it's certain. 

Today I missed the unborn leaves on trees. They are confused by the frigid and frozen spring this year. I won't talk about my lack of words, I am so stupid I can't embrace nor encompass the shifting of seasons, the melting snow, the warm wheat, the bred inner feelings. I won't stop now. It's easy allright. I got to keep on going and hold on to the swinging string, the coarse rope that is gagging me. This is tough, but maybe it's not. I don't know, why should I know? 

I'm moving along the urban streets breathing the city exhausts, staying away from the pit and pavement potholes, I can certainly walk around them. I learnt my ways when I was two years old to steer clear from them and avoid them. Dog crap, human urine, all of it. When I was a toddler I was frightened of water running from the tap, my mum's black gloves, the shades in the dark. I cried and ranted because I didn't want to go to sleep. I was uncertain of dreams, I mean I thought I was already dreaming during the day those street potholes, that dirty puddle water, the blind cicadas in quarantine, the screaming black death crows outside my bedroom window. 

This is the matter, as a matter of fact, the question behind the question, the broken glass.  Frightened, frightened, when you are you can't sing a song about fear when you are little if you're frightened. Maybe I can now, maybe I can't. 

Hush, hush, not rush, rush. I didn't like broken puppets, the broken evil clown so I broke toys. Now perhaps I'm a broken toy too. But I'm not frightened, no. I don't fear joy nor laughter, not even the laughter of death because death is silent, it's mild, it happens within a fraction of a second, those 21 grams, you know. I will be an orphan when it happens to me. I will have witnessed many deaths before mine. And life, where is it? Now I understand life, no big deal, we are all alive now, and then. Won't stop, will sleep at night (I'll try) but I won't stop, I won't lie, I will cause harm to others, of course I will, it's just an unavoidable fact of life. I still ask questions, opinions from others around me. How do you feel when ...? It's a fact of getting older, it's like that, I won't stop wondering and asking questions to my friends about our lives, our destiny, our remaining hours, that famous half full glass they talk about in the blues. Oh, well. I won't forget the blues either. Let's talk about the blues. My lovely, I've memorised your phone number. O euro cents per minute, the machine says. I have secrets for you. 

sábado, 13 de abril de 2013

Sense(s)


Sentidos y sentimientos. La diferencia entre el sentir recorriendo con tu piel, y el redimir con tu corazón. Me pregunto cómo puedo vivir de esta manera, experimentando la vida de fuera adentro pero marcando los códigos de mi ADN extraviados desde mi placenta. Intento salir y ver más, pero cuando me aburro vuelvo dentro y veo, exploro, siento, me adentro y sueño, transpiro, buceo, desarrollo branquias y permanezco a la espera en el agua sin darme cuenta de que llevo mucho tiempo sin respirar ...

lunes, 8 de abril de 2013

Quien le escriba ...


La escritora no tiene quien la lea.

domingo, 7 de abril de 2013

Razones


Pongo unos versos en tus manos para renovar las preguntas que te encuentran. Son ya varios avisos los que he recibido y te siento y te enredo. No puedo olvidarte.

Ya no me siento enhebrada en tus enredaderas, ni te sueño, ni me adentro en tu bosque encantado. Pero detrás de las luces de gala del árbol adornado de luceros, apoyándome en su tronco miro al cielo estrellado, veo la luna y en su tendido blanco te pienso y siento la ingravidez de la caída libre. Tu recuerdo es dulce y mi respiración se detiene rezagada en mi pecho para aliviar tu ausencia con esa prenda de calor que es el añorar tu mirada de virutas de cedro.
            

miércoles, 3 de abril de 2013

That is something


It's something incredible

             something sudden

                   something I was unaware of

            like something that is amazingly touching

     but keeps on involving you in a mesh of fire

and

it's interesting, I'm not saying that it's not

 it's weird

  very

    kind of

      like

         like a 

very different

   very

      mhhh

ok
it's something you have to be aware of

not just see it
describe it to me
indulge in it
recall it
look at it

no

it's something more

     something rare

          like something ripe
                                ready
                                riotous
                                tragic
                                incredible
that's it

like ... something incredible, really

I'm just trying to grasp it

really

domingo, 31 de marzo de 2013

Revolving doors


It's a theme so trodden on and I'm so well versed in it that I can almost afford to invent the next chapter. 

jueves, 28 de marzo de 2013

The kind you can afford (word catcher)


Pictures in words and sways of lines committing. Seldom surfaces that spread their particles because the thing is that there is always something to say. This makes it all special and worthwhile. 

Your swan song flees in a trail with no ending, but it assists you to see the unseeable, the unseen scene, the foreign language you already know. Well, you can find the poetry in those sounds from other language's syllables, that's when you breathe it so ...

And damp love: only redeemable if like coffee it freshens up and shines. When it dampens down and retreats then leaves an after taste that is not love, and sadness follows on. 

As your seasons change in an untimed story, and your unkempt heart can only stay still to make dreams bearable, your writing helps me salvage my own words and seals. 

It promises nothing, but is capable of everything. Well, let's render it true: your own words are more important, and I'm reading you as a matter of fact. You are leading me on and bearing up forward ... Me, spotting lost words, always.